When she was born

Ok so monday is my daughter's bday. She will be 4. This is gonna sound a little cliche, but it seems like just yesterday i was bringing her home from the hospital. She was 3 weeks early. I went in for a regular doctors visit and they couldn't find her heartbeat and she wasn't moving around like usual. So they sent me to the hospital next door for a nonstress test. After about an house being in the hospital hooked up to tons of monitors, my obgyn came in dressed in scrubs and informed hubby, actualy fiance at the time, that within the hour our little girl would be here. So we both began to freak out a little. Kevin ran and started making calls to family and friends telling them what was up. While kevin was gone my nurse came in with the anethesiologist and got me nice and drugged. By this time i am still pretty calm. I was just excited to finaly meet my little girl. When Kevin got back to the room he was tossed a set of scrubs and off we went. I saw my mom and step dad on my way to the operating room. My mom was freaked. She kept saying she was gonna pray for me and the baby and that i shouldn't worry all was gonna be good. I was fine. I wasn't worrying what-so-ever. Finaly we got to the OR. I don't remember much about what all went on there. I remember laying there with Kevin holding my hand. Then it got hard to breath and i felt a lot of pressure. The last thing i remember was Keving telling me that he loves me. And i was out. I woke up about an hour later and Kevin was of course by my side. I was in pain. Well sort of. I was still pretty much out of it. I knew that i had had my daughter, and that i had just been cut into like a damn steak. But other than that, i was in another world. My mom and step dad, as well as my inlaws, came by to visit me and congradulate me. So after all the kissy kissy, i love you and thank-you junk, Kevin and i were finaly alone again. I got moved into my room and the night went pretty well. I wasn't able to see Leigh Ann(that is what we named her) since she was under the heat lamp and on sugar IV's, since she was 3 weeks early. Oddly enough i wasn't too concerned about my little girl. I was, but i wasn't. I had a pretty bad case of PPD(post partum depression). I wanted nothing to do with my daughter the whole first night and the next day. The only reason i went to go see her in the first place was because Kevin was begging me to and my doctor said i wasn't going to be able to go home until i went to see her. So reluctantly i went to the nursery. I sat next to her and looked out the window to see the amazing ice storm that had taken place the same night i had my daughter. It was nothing i had ever seen before. The trees were covered in thick ice and the i could see the roads so icy that it looked impossible to drive on them. The lactation cunsultant asked me to try and nurse Leigh Ann. So i did just that, try. I held her and i did what all your supposed to do while nursing a baby. But she wanted nothing to do with me or my boobs. And for someone who was already in a fragile mental state, that sent me over the top. I began to cry and went back to my room. A few hours later i decided to go back to the nursery and see my baby. This time i was able to give her her first bath. It was so fun and she looked so cute all wet. And that cry she had was so quiet and cute. I went back to my room, Leigh Ann wasn't able to leave the nursery yet. The next day i was given the go ahead to go home. As soon as Leigh Ann was checked out by her pediatrician and given her shots, we were ok to go home. The scary thing was, that the roads out were still so icy and slick. We got home safely. But we did have an incident on our way home. We were going down this slight hill and all of a sudden Kevin looked at me and told me to hold on. The car began to slide for what seemed like forever, but it was only 5 seconds. Luckily there were no cars coming from the opposite side. Though there were a few cars in the ditch. lol. And here it is almost 4 years later. My little girl is now a bigger girl. And as much as i am glad that she is growing and learning and becoming her own little self, i hate it too. I miss that little baby girl that i use to rock to sleep and sing to. Now i need to remember the good times we had and focus on making more good times in the future!