Letter to my grandmother

Dear Mamaw,

Hey mamaw. It's me, you favorite grand-daughter. : ) I thought i would do something a little different this year. It has been 5 yrs since you passed. And i miss you as much today as i did the day you were sent to heaven. You were the first person i told i was pregnant with Leigh Ann. Not sure if you remember, you were so sick when i saw you. Im sorry that i didn't stay longer with you. But in all honesty, i didn't even know who you were. That person laying in the hospital bed in the middle of the living room was not the mamaw that i grew up admiring. That was a shell of a woman that i once knew. I told you how much i loved you and what you had meant to me all my life. And that i would never forget the wonderful times we had together. And i meant every word of that. I tell my children as much as possible about their great-grandmother in heaven. It hurts me to know that they never got the opportunity to get to know you like i did. Mamaw you were my rock. You kept me going when all i wanted to do was crawl under a rock and forget about the world. I remember how much you loved it when i sang Patsy Cline's music. You would get to tapping your toes and snapping your fingers. Always brings a smile to my face when i hear or sing patsy cline. I know that you were with me the day that i miscarried my baby. I remember right before they put me under, hearing your voice telling me it would be alright. I woke up asking for you. Even though i knew good and well that you weren't there. At least not in the physical sense. But i could feel you there. I know that my baby is in heaven with you. And as much as losing a baby is a terrible thing, i know that he or she, is in good hands. It seems as though the holidays are especialy hard for me without you. I remember all the wonderful food that you would cook and i really loved your pies and cakes. : ) Holiday's just aren't the same without you. Mamaw i just miss you so much. I talk to you all the time. Sometimes i will just look up and talk to the sky, with hopes that you are listening. And im sure you are. I laugh, i cry, sometimes even yell. It is just frustrating knowing that you are no longer here with me. Even after 5 yrs and it still makes me a little angry. I don't see the anger leaving anytime soon. Well mamaw. It was nice chatting with you again. Thank you for being my rock. I love you with all my heart.

Love you always, Alicia